24 Comments
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Lindsey @ Not Normal's avatar

I feel like there is nothing else to say but this fucking sucks and I’m so sorry. Fuck both Dennises (though I'm so curious, how did you come to name your tumor Dennis? I am imagining that you went to elementary school with a little annoying twat named Dennis.)

Byut also, this is such a hilarious, beautiful, poignant piece of writing. It truly is, and it will stick with me for a long time to come. Wishing you hugs, solidarity, and a million small funny things to make you laugh as you go through treatment.

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you, Lindsey – for the best wishes, kind words about the piece, and for asking about the name Dennis! It was actually my aunt who came up with it. She said naming the tumour might make it less frightening and more easy to talk about, and she offered up Dennis. Apparently it was the name of her first boyfriend who was a total tool. It immediately stuck and both have been Dennis ever since. And, you know what? She was right – it has made it easier to talk about. It's definitely taken away some of the horror and unknowability. A tumour is scary, but Dennis is indeed just an annoying little twerp. My aunt reads this too – so if you see this comment, Joan, thank you again! xx

Lindsey @ Not Normal's avatar

Oh that is such a good story!! Sounds like your aunt is a gem.

Charlotte Stephens's avatar

I'm so sorry, I'm thinking of you. (And of Richard's poor gerbil)

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you 💛 And the gerbil def deserves some sympathy as well, so good shout there x

Wendy Varley's avatar

Oh gawd. So sorry it’s back, Jo. x

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you, Wendy ❤️

El's avatar

So sorry to hear this. It isn't fair and you are fully entitled to moan/complain as much as you want.

Sending mean thoughts to Dennis.

Sharon Joslyn's avatar

Oh Jo, that’s crap. So sorry. You write so beautifully about your feelings - such humour - and justified anger too. Wishing you good news.

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you, Sharon 💛

Eva Lydon 🌿's avatar

Fuck Dennis and fuck his little brother twat! Jo, I'm so sorry to here this news.. it really sucks arse! Sorry, too soon? 😉 I really admire your strength and incredible and inspiring ability to bring so much lovely humour to a diabolicle situation.❤️ You are a super star, but having said that, please remember that it is also totally and completely OK to be a mess too! Staying positive is wonderful and really does help, but what also helps is allowing yourself to fall apart and feel all the awful feelings too.🥺 Sending so much love and hugs 🫂 Keep going... you can do this! xx

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you, Eva – and thank you so, so much for the coffees! It means a lot; I really appreciate it 💛💛💛

Leonie's avatar

Om in goed Nederlands te spreken;) KAK dat het terug is! Mijn hart huilt voor jou. Dat de hele medische gereedschapskist Dennis voor altijd de deur uit mag werken. Lieve groet, Léonie

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you, Leonie 🫶

Elaine R. Frieman's avatar

I’m so so sorry to hear this, Jo. 😭😨 Hope the operation goes well. 🤞🏻🫶🏻😞

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you 🫶

Marina Mofford's avatar

I’m so sorry you’re part of this terrible club. My mum is also in this club at the moment so you’re in good company in a very shitty club. Sending all the good healing vibes to send Dennis on his way. ❤️

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you, Marina. And all best wishes and positive thoughts to your ma. x

Indigo Griffiths's avatar

I'm so sorry to hear this, it sucks. Sending you and your family strength xx

Jo Usmar's avatar

Indigo, thank you again for your kind note – and I've just seen you've bought me a coffee! Thank you so much. That is super kind, really generous and I hugely appreciate it 🥹

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you 🫶

Alison Krupnick's avatar

I am sorry for this crappy (pun intended) news and sending you strong healing energy from a fellow former stoma girl. You got this!

Jo Usmar's avatar

Thank you so much, Alison 🫶

Anna Johnstone's avatar

I am so sorry to read this - the fear, then the diagnosis, are all familiar feelings and they utterly suck. Cancer is one shitty clique but you sound like a Queen Bee of finding strength and humour, so I wish you all the bloody best!