What Trump’s lack of shame means for all of us
Do we all start laughing about sexual assault now or what?
A snorty and coldy audio version of this article is available here:
In 2015, Jon Ronson, one of my favourite journalists, published a book called So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed about being ‘cancelled’ on the internet. It was an investigation into the new era of public shaming we were entering and its historical precedents. He interviewed people who had been publicly shamed – both online and offline – delving into the professional, personal and societal ramifications. The whole book is brilliant, but for me, the case study that really stood out was Max Mosley’s ‘Nazi orgy’ in 2008. Why? Because Max Mosley just flat-out refused to be shamed – and no one knew what to do about it.
A position that rings a few bells nowadays.
Shame in a nutshell
Shame is that hideous feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know you’ve violated the social norms you believe in. You feel disgusted at yourself, exposed, vulnerable, and embarrassed. This can spiral into a feeling that your entire self is ‘wrong’ – that to do what you did, or to think what you thought, you must be fundamentally flawed as a person.
Philosopher Hilge Landweer said that for someone to feel ashamed, they must not only acknowledge that they’ve transgressed a norm, they must also view that norm as important, binding and desirable, otherwise they won’t care about the transgression. It’s not even necessary for a disapproving person to know about it – you need only imagine someone else’s judgement to feel like a total cretin.
Fun!
Back to Mosley’s orgy – something I never thought I’d say
Ex-Formula One boss Max Mosley was, famously, the child of Sir Oswald Mosley (fans of Peaky Blinders will know the chap), the leader of the British Union of Fascists during World War II. So, when the News of the World caught Mosley junior at an orgy that looked suspiciously Nazi-themed, you could forgive the journos for thinking they’d secured quite the scoop.
And yet, Mosley did the exact opposite of what everyone expected him to do: he went on the offensive. He sued the newspaper for breach of privacy in a move that meant he had to spend five days in court detailing the minutiae of his sex life, his love of S&M and his history being associated with fascists. He openly discussed getting whipped at orgies with five consenting sex workers behind his wife’s back – but the Nazi stuff could go to hell. In essence, he delivered an absolute bollocking for kink-shaming and won the case, leaving the press and the public bewildered. (Many muttering how it was certainly odd for participants in a non-Nazi orgy to be talking in German about being part of ‘the Aryan race’, but there you go.)
“As soon as the victim steps out of the pact by refusing to feel ashamed,” Mosley told Jon Ronson in his book, “the whole thing crumbles.”
A smorgasbord of shamelessness
Right now, we are dealing with a smorgasbord of shamelessness: people refusing to feel remotely ashamed about doing undeniably awful things that have been proven.
On 9 May, Trump was found liable by a civil court for the sexual abuse and defamation of writer E Jean Carroll in the 1990s and ordered to pay $5 million in damages. The most incendiary piece of evidence presented during the trial was undoubtedly Trump’s deposition in which Carroll’s lawyer questioned him about the infamous 2005 ‘Access Hollywood’ tape that had been leaked to the press in 2016.
As a reminder to those who successfully erased this tape from their memories, Trump was hot-mic’d saying the following to show host Billy Bush:
Trump: Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Billy Bush: Whatever you want.
Trump: Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
When questioned about this in his deposition, Trump defended what he’d said, stating that, “Historically, that’s true with stars. If you look over the last million years, I guess that’s been largely true. Not always, but largely true. Unfortunately or fortunately.”
UNFORTUNATELY OR FORTUNATELY.
(I was going to riff off the ‘pussy’ statement for the headline to this article and couldn’t do it. The thought of that phrase landing in your inboxes – not a euphemism – made me feel too grotty and anxious. And yet, here’s a man on course to become the next President of the United States cavalierly talking about how grabbing women by the genitals is ‘fortunately’ allowed for certain men. Please join me in doing a little sick down our sleeves.)
In the deposition, Trump then repeats a comment he’s made several times since Carroll came forward with her accusation in 2019: “I say it with as much respect as I can, but [Carroll] is not my type. Physically, she’s not my type, and now I’ve gotten indirectly to hear things about her, she wouldn’t be my type in any way shape, or form… You [attorney Roberta Kaplan] would not be my choice either. I hope you’re not insulted.”
Yep, Trump is literally asking a lawyer whether she’s insulted that he wouldn’t want to rape her. The ex- and possible future President, everyone. *slow claps*
And that’s not all. In a CNN ‘town hall’ on 10 May, Trump doubled down on his defamation of E Jean Carroll, dismissing her as a “nut job” who he’d never met and asking what kind of woman would ever find herself in that situation in the first place, i.e. victim-blaming a victim he claims isn’t a victim.
Without shame, the bar for acceptable behaviour plummets
Trump lolling about sexual abuse speaks to a wider pattern of accepting and normalising terrible behaviour from powerful people both in the US and the UK. Back in 2016, Trump apologised for the Access Hollywood tape and tried to excuse it, putting on a facade of shame, even if he didn’t feel it. People demanded it of him. Society demanded it of him. Now he doesn’t bother – and it hasn’t hurt him in the polls in the slightest.
Meanwhile, Boris can’t walk down the street without attracting a scandal, lying about curtains, loans and leg-ups for his mates, or throwing a party he can’t afford while breaking lockdown rules he himself set during a pandemic. Humility be damned though – he still sees a political comeback in his future.
Then there’s Liz Truss, aka ‘The UK Economy Destroyer’, who is so determined not to take any responsibility for shattering the country’s financial position with her clusterfuck of a mini-budget, that she’s nominated four peers to the House of Lords – a privilege only afforded to ex-Prime Ministers – despite being in the job for just 49 days. (It’s also worth noting that Boris has nominated his dad for a knighthood. Classic.)
Prince Andrew appeared in all his fancy garb at the King’s coronation – and even secretly appeared in official photographs – despite being BFFs with child sex-trafficker Jeffrey Epstein and paying sexual assault victim Virginia Giuffre a £12 million out-of-court settlement.
Republican congressman George Santos is currently fighting 13 criminal charges in the US and has just admitted to stealing cheques in Brazil – but flatly refuses to resign. And, maddest of all, his party doesn’t mind. The GOP clearly don’t rate the accusations levelled at him as bad vibes. Republican Senator Jack Martins said of Santos earlier this year, “It is probably impossible for us to get someone who has no shame to do what is right”, while Patrick Leahy, a retired Democratic senator, said, “The fact that he is still here is a product of this time. When I came here, Republican or Democrat, his own party would tell him ‘you have to go’.”
If people don’t feel shame, guilt or embarrassment, it’s nigh impossible to hold them to account, especially if they play the “WITCH HUNT!” card when the law comes knocking or when plebs like you and me (no offence) get pissed. If they laugh in the face of the norms that keep our societies afloat, it leaves everyone else feeling powerless.
Oh, and Just One More Thing…
This trend has unarguably had a corrosive effect on people’s views of the institutions they’re meant to trust. Many people now just assume politicians and governing bodies are corrupt and lower their expectations accordingly – to the point where convicted sexual abuser and pussy-grabber Trump may genuinely become the most powerful person in the world again (and that’s just one of a litany of crimes he’s being investigated for). The worry is, of course, that the shamelessness will have a trickle-down effect on everyday life, with people thinking, “If they can do that crap and get away with it, why can’t I?”
But unfortunately or fortunately, (OOOH, SEE WHAT I DID THERE?), you can’t just ‘give up’ shame. It’s hard-wired into most of us because, as humans, we crave community and social acceptance. And we should be grateful for that when it comes to behaviour, (even though shame is one of the worst feelings imaginable and is incredibly complicated, particularly when it veers into outdated societal beliefs about identity, etc.), because it does help to maintain moral order and shows we care. To that end, we must keep holding these people to our own standards, even if they have zero farts left to give. We can do that by protesting, making a noise, voting them out, and tutting loudly when their cavalcade drives past.
Although… having the chutzpah not to give a shit about fabricating your entire CV, crashing the UK’s economy, robbing poor people during Covid, lying about being at your own party, denying knowing who gave you an £800,000 loan, and paying no tax for the last 15 years, does sound pretty epic. Especially considering I still worry about whether to sign emails off with ‘Best wishes’ or ‘Many thanks’.
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Brilliant 👏👏👏 I very much enjoy the fact that your reference to Boris’ babies is *already* out of date with today’s news re: Carrie being pregnant.
Also FYI, The News Agents podcast just published an episode on the topic of why “sorry seems to be the hardest word” for politicians. Spoiler alert: In British politics at least, Nick Clegg has a lot to answer for… https://youtu.be/KUDjRZ30SNo
Excellently said. And maybe I should feel ashamed for thinking this, but why hasn't anyone just assassinated him?