Yep, 40 something mother of 3 here, still waiting for my big epiphany / transformation / enlightenment when I will finally be a fully realised version of myself and none of the small shit will matter anymore. I’ve heard that post menopause for women is when you stop giving any fucks - so i guess we have that to look forward to 🤪
Haha! Well, bring it on! I can't wait to get rid of all of these fucks for good and stop wasting them on Steve from Slough. It's exhausting! Thanks so much, Sara. It's bloody reassuring to hear everyone else is still waiting for their epiphany. Honestly, writing this piece and getting these messages has been such a balm. x
We should form a post-cancer 'I still give a shit about petty insecurities' club! An anxious, frustrated club where we all rush to buy the first round so everyone likes us 😂
This is so brilliant and generous and funny Jo, as ever. Was recently trying to articulate something similar and struggling! How I have a tendency to try to force life's big / hard moments into a box of 'transformative experiences' that will somehow make me a different (aka 'better') person over night and fail miserably. A relief to read this is maybe just a part of being a person, living a life. I suppose it's a way of making meaning out of things. But do feel like it's maybe exacerbated by the culture of improvement which reaches its self optimising tentacles into every aspects of our psyche? Anyway, Steve from Slough has no taste!
Love this comment! So interesting to take it further and think about WHY we believe these experiences should be transformative and how, when they're not immediately life-changing, it can actually affect us negatively – make us feel like we did it 'wrong' or are processing it 'wrong'. Your point about the culture of improvement is spot-on: it 100% has exacerbated the idea of 'finding ourselves' which has been around for donkeys years, tbf, but is now definitely supersized courtesy of social media. So glad the piece struck a chord. Thank you! And thank you for slagging off Steve. He's such a douche. (But I still want him to like me.)
Hey, you’ve been through a huge amount of stress! Having a baby and getting cancer is a hell of a cocktail, so give yourself a break. As for the caring about everyone liking you, I don’t think that ever really changes if you’re wired that way, because I am too and I’m 63! I’ve had my fair share of trauma over the past six years, and yet I remain a people pleaser, even after certain of those people have been mean to me. Maybe I have a little more ability to take a step back now, let things go quicker, but on the whole we are who we are. No cigar (love that, stealing it!). Look after yourself and your gorgeous baby. Lots of love, Cesca x
Yep, 40 something mother of 3 here, still waiting for my big epiphany / transformation / enlightenment when I will finally be a fully realised version of myself and none of the small shit will matter anymore. I’ve heard that post menopause for women is when you stop giving any fucks - so i guess we have that to look forward to 🤪
Haha! Well, bring it on! I can't wait to get rid of all of these fucks for good and stop wasting them on Steve from Slough. It's exhausting! Thanks so much, Sara. It's bloody reassuring to hear everyone else is still waiting for their epiphany. Honestly, writing this piece and getting these messages has been such a balm. x
"And yet I Stooo" 🤣 Another fabulous post and thank you so much for saving my eyeballs and recording audio too! 🙏
Hurray! So glad peeps are listening to and enjoying the audio! I love recording these pieces and going off on my random tangents. Whoop! Thank you
I’ve been through cancer twice and still care if people like me if I look ok to others if people think I’m a nice person. Etc.
We should form a post-cancer 'I still give a shit about petty insecurities' club! An anxious, frustrated club where we all rush to buy the first round so everyone likes us 😂
That sounds perfect. Sign me up ❤️
This is so brilliant and generous and funny Jo, as ever. Was recently trying to articulate something similar and struggling! How I have a tendency to try to force life's big / hard moments into a box of 'transformative experiences' that will somehow make me a different (aka 'better') person over night and fail miserably. A relief to read this is maybe just a part of being a person, living a life. I suppose it's a way of making meaning out of things. But do feel like it's maybe exacerbated by the culture of improvement which reaches its self optimising tentacles into every aspects of our psyche? Anyway, Steve from Slough has no taste!
Love this comment! So interesting to take it further and think about WHY we believe these experiences should be transformative and how, when they're not immediately life-changing, it can actually affect us negatively – make us feel like we did it 'wrong' or are processing it 'wrong'. Your point about the culture of improvement is spot-on: it 100% has exacerbated the idea of 'finding ourselves' which has been around for donkeys years, tbf, but is now definitely supersized courtesy of social media. So glad the piece struck a chord. Thank you! And thank you for slagging off Steve. He's such a douche. (But I still want him to like me.)
Hey, you’ve been through a huge amount of stress! Having a baby and getting cancer is a hell of a cocktail, so give yourself a break. As for the caring about everyone liking you, I don’t think that ever really changes if you’re wired that way, because I am too and I’m 63! I’ve had my fair share of trauma over the past six years, and yet I remain a people pleaser, even after certain of those people have been mean to me. Maybe I have a little more ability to take a step back now, let things go quicker, but on the whole we are who we are. No cigar (love that, stealing it!). Look after yourself and your gorgeous baby. Lots of love, Cesca x
Thank you! What a lovely message. Really appreciate it. And yes, I agree – I think we simply are who we are #nocigar