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Julie's avatar

I am very happy to boast that I am queen of saying no. Granted, it wouldn't hurt for me to say yes now and again. And I truly believe I will when someone suggests an event in which I can imagine enjoying taking part. But I took this Phoebeism very seriously a long time ago and thought, "Hmmm, she's right, it's none of their business why I say no." So when someone asks, I say no, and I don't offer a qualifier. Only a couple of times have I been challenged, "Oh you're busy?" "No." I reply.

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Jo Usmar's avatar

Haha - good for you! I'm definitely still learning.

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Matt E's avatar

“We’re only the lead character in our own life – not in anyone else’s” - I think about this a lot! Despite being such a simple, obvious statement, it’a pretty mind-blowing when you really think about it. I’ve found it’s one of the most helpful ways to re-set your perspective on something you’re overthinking 🙌

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Jo Usmar's avatar

YES, MATT! I'm definitely going to do a whole piece on this line – it's one of the best bits of wisdom I've ever heard. So glad it struck a chord. I honestly have to remind myself of it all the time and, like you say, it's such a simple but effective way of getting some distance and perspective. Thank you 💪

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Julie's avatar

One word...Sonder!

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uncle nick's avatar

wish I'd seen this about 30 years ago - took me bloody years to work it out on my own

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Jo Usmar's avatar

The amount of time and energy it would save us if we could all stop panicking about saying no! I'm not there yet, by any means, but am getting better... I think.

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